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The Best Dressed Wedding Invitation


eInvite.com - big selection of wedding invitations


Top 10 Red Carpet Mailing Tips

(MS) - This wedding season, there is good news for couples-to-be and wedding planners. The cost of postage for a 2-ounce wedding invitation has gone down from 63 cents to 58 cents. Here are some other postage perks: tips and pointers for making sure that wedding invitations - and associated save-the-date cards, response cards, wedding announcements and thank-you notes - get to recipients on time, and are fun and memorable, too.

· "Accessorize" your correspondence by using the new love stamps, available June 27. Featuring vines that form the shape of a heart, these stamps were designed especially for mailing wedding invitations and RSVPs and are available in both the 2-ounce (58 cents) and the 1-ounce (41 cents) First-Class postage rate denominations.

Stamps are an inexpensive way to add color to an invitation and you can also use them to decorate an envelope, even on the flap (where they do not count toward required postage). Star Wars stamps issued this year may be a fun way to speed your response cards back to you.

· Mail your invitations four to six weeks before the wedding and make sure the return address is complete and legible.

· Whether you dress your Wedding invitation in a traditional style or use more flamboyant papers and embellished envelopes, take care with the most important accessory: the address. Provide a complete address, including apartment number, on each envelope. Confirm ZIP Codes easily at www.usps.com by clicking on Find a ZIP Code on the navigation bar.

· For other postal needs and assistance, go to the Postal Service Web site, www.usps.com. There you can order stamps, view and purchase related postal products, look up ZIP Codes instantly, learn about mailing options, and calculate postage.

· Affix your stamps securely, but do not put tape over the stamp(s) - this invalidates the postage. If your envelope is textured or contains decorative fibers or floral inclusions, you may want to secure the postage using a glue stick.

· Or, prepare your invitations online and mail them through the Postal Service's NetPost Print and Mail Services - you'll save time and money.

· For save-the-date cards and thank-you notes, create customized postcards at www.usps.com/netpost. Postage is included in the price, and discounts are available with every mailing.

· The hottest trend is to use your own artwork or photograph on your thank-you notes. Customize the postage on thank-you cards with a first-peek picture from your wedding. For more information go to Print Postage Online at www.usps.com.

There are also options for family and friends who can't make the big day. Tell them about Net Post Gift Card, where from the convenience of their computer they can send greetings and a gift card from a wide choice of popular national retailers at denominations from $25 to $200.

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How to Calm Wedding Jitters


Sedona Training Associates - The Sedona Method


(MS) - The work involved with planning a wedding can stress out even the most stable of individuals. Even those brides-to-be who knew all the reasons why they were getting married a few months ago may be facing the prospect of walking down the aisle with anxiety.

Call it cold feet or wedding jitters, the feeling is common among newlyweds-to-be. Stress has a funny way of making mountains out of molehills - little idiosyncracies in a partner can quickly grow into horrible character traits. The key is recognizing when fears are just the result of too much planning and not deep-rooted relationship issues. Usually a person quickly realizes they're more overwhelmed about the wedding details than the thought of making a commitment.

"The What-If Guy," by Taylor G. Wilshire has messages of love, forgiveness and affirmation at its roots, which can offer help at this important time in your life. It also provides an entertaining story that gives you a chance to kick back and escape.

1. Put your thoughts onto paper - Make a list of what is causing the most anxiety. This release technique is something main character Ryley McKenna used in the book to clear her fears and prevent overworrying. Sometimes having all of your racing thoughts organized and on paper can help you rationally address the issues and see that there is no serious cause of the jitters. It can also help you pinpoint a common stress trigger, such as a financial concern or a conflict with a family member. Compare these fears to a list of reasons why you love your partner and want to enter a commitment with this person. This simple task can bring order to jumbled feelings and offer clarity on any nervousness you may have.

2. Learn to relax - Make time for yourself and enjoy activities that are not directly related to wedding planning. For example, some women benefit from a massage or facial treatment. Others find that a relaxing drive or walk along the beach or through another quiet area can help promote calmness. Or take a cue from Ryley and learn to relax by meditating to put your mind at peace: Find a quiet place and focus on deep breathing.

3. Talk to your partner - Open up to your partner about how you are feeling. You just may find that he is experiencing some of the same things as you and that jitters are completely normal. Working through fears to a place of love is one of the underlying concepts of "A Course in Miracles," the inspirational text that helps guide Ryley throughout the book. By expressing your fears and doubts, and working through them as a team, this can be the first step you take as a married couple to support each other in good times ... and bad.

4. Recognize that changes understandably make people uncomfortable - One of the most life-altering changes a person can make is getting married, particularly if you've both been used to living on your own and making your own decisions. Instead of focusing on what you could be losing by getting married, reaffirm all of the things you will be gaining. It may help to talk to married couples who have been successful in keeping their relationships strong. Remember though, your relationship is unique to you as a couple. So don't be sidetracked over what could or may happen.

5. Keep in mind that love is most important - While you want the weather to cooperate and the day to be flawless, you cannot control the outcome of everything when getting married. There may be some minor (or major) bumps along the way. Being able to recover gracefully and enjoy yourself can help start your relationship off on the right foot. Remember, you'll have many other chances to create winning memories as you grow old together with your partner, so don't put so much emphasis on the wedding details or the most important moments may pass you by. For further inspiration, see the ways Ryley overcomes challenges to find her path to true love in "The What if Guy."

Add "The What-If Guy" to your bridal shower wish list to provide some much-needed salvation during this wonderful, but often stressful time.
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Wedding flowers


CL) - Some say that a wedding without flowers is like a birthday without a cake. Without a doubt, flowers frame and enhance a marriage celebration in a very special way. But not everybody thinks this way, and many couples prefer to save on the cost of flowers and invest that money in the honeymoon. It is a question of taste or-in some cases-of limited budget.

Sometimes people try to save some money by buying the flowers, preparing the flower arrangements, and decorating the church and reception area by themselves. Although not a bad idea, it is simply not worth the risk for such a special and memorable event as a wedding.

It is highly advisable that a professional florist be hired to prepare the flower arrangements and decorate according to his or her judgment. Remember that flowers are delicate and demand certain conditions in order to remain fresh. Professional florists have the necessary equipment for this task.

In order for your flowers to stay fresh, they must be prepared on the day of the wedding. Will you and your family have the adequate time to carry out all this heavy work, and also make the bride look beautiful, radiant, and refreshed for the wedding? Almost certainly not, and trying to achieve this may turn into a nightmare and lead to bad memories of this unique day in your life. The only exception might be if the flower arrangements are so simple that they do not require professional labor.

Once you decide to hire a florist, there is a series of steps to be followed before dealing with him or her. The florist must be hired and notified at least four months before the wedding in order to ensure that he or she is available on the wedding day, as well as to give you enough time to discuss the details. Here are some timely, practical, and useful tips for making this important decision:

· If you are planning a wedding on a budget, you should get several estimates or quotes from various suppliers, including a breakdown of what items are included in the cost. There are many items that, although part of the decoration, do not belong to the bride and groom once the event has finished, such as candlesticks, vases, amphoras, tablecloths, and cutlery, among other things. Decorators often lend these items, or they may rent them. Therefore, if the bride and groom want their guests to be able take the centerpiece or flower arrangement home with them, they should make sure that they will not have to pay an additional amount later on.

· Select the florist through friends or family references.

· If you do not know the florist and do not have any references, you should ask for samples with pictures of decorations and flower arrangements from previous weddings. This will help you judge the type of work of which the supplier is capable, and samples will reveal his or her taste, talent, and-even more importantly-the quality of his or her work.

· In order to get a better picture, you should ask for the contact information of other couples who have hired this florist before. This will enable you to get references from a closer, more direct source.

· Most florists are willing to do some practice floral arrangements before the wedding, according to the bride and groom's taste and the details agreed upon.

· Do not forget to ask for recommendations regarding color combinations and flower selection. Remember that many flowers are seasonal and often more expensive if purchased outside their season.

Likewise, try to select flowers that tend to stay fresh and attractive longer


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Top 5 Honeymoon Destinations

EasyClickTravel.com


By: John Morris

Whether you are looking for a quiet, laid-back stay or an action-packed vacation, chances are you will find a destination that suits the desires of you and your partner for a romantic honeymoon in the United States.

1. Hawaii

With its pristine beaches, tropical scenery and wide variety of foods, activities and tourist spots to keep you busy, Hawaii is a popular choice for countless honeymooners from around the world. Hawaii offers a number of tourism options for the various types of guests it hosts each year. Some visitors might opt to rent a car or take a guided tour around the island they are staying on. By exploring the islands of Hawaii, guests will enjoy discovering serene waterfalls and spectacular views of the beautiful beaches that lace the outskirts of the islands. Perhaps one of the most romantic Hawaiian pastimes comes in the form of watching a sunset with your new spouse. For the active couple, Hawaii offers a number of top golf courses that honeymooners can enjoy. One of the more popular activities is to attend a Hawaiian luau.

2. Niagara Falls

Couples can register to get a guided boat cruise around the falls. For a fun night out, honeymooners can visit Casino Niagara, conveniently located right across from Niagara Falls. For honeymooners who enjoy day trips the scenic Catskill Mountains are not located far from the falls. There are two "sides" of the falls, the US side and the Canadian side. The Canadian site give you a much better view of the falls so don't forget your Passports!

3. Florida

Vacations in Florida are ideal for honeymooners. Disney World offers special honeymoon vacation packages to cater to those looking for a romantic getaway. There are even a number of Disney resorts that attract couples rather than families. If theme parks are not your cup of tea, consider a trip further south to Key West or Miami. These areas offer classy resorts, sprawling beaches, and plenty of attractions that will keep both you and your significant other happily busy.

4. Las Vegas

If you have money to blow and you're feeling lucky, Las Vegas is the place for you. In addition to gambling, you will find shopping, nightlife, and even a short drive to the Grand Canyon where you can sit in your car and look out over the moon.

5. California

California here I come! There is a reason the Beachboys wrote so many songs about the California coast. There are so many potential honeymoon destinations it's hard to name them all. If you want a more quiet honeymoon you can visit Carmel or Santa Barbra. If you want a more adventurous honey moon you can visit the L.A. area where you can visit Universal Studios, Disney Land, Knotts Berry Farm and Magic Mountain.


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Additional Advice: http://funweddings.blogspot.com, http://merrybrides.blogspot.com http://merrybrides.livejournal.com, http://weddingsbyashlee.blogspot.com About the Author:
For more great honeymoon related articles and resources check out http://123honeymoons.info

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Choosing a Wedding Gown to Flatter Your Figure



Shopping for your wedding dress can start out as one of the most exciting parts of planning a wedding but can quickly turn into one of the most frustrating experiences of your life.

When shopping for your dress keep in mind that different styles can help you create a thinner, heavier, taller or shorter look. Here are some tips to help you choose the perfect dress to flatter you figure.

Short Thin Figure

  • Look for a shirtwaist or natural waist style dress with a bouffant skirt. This style will make you look taller with a fuller figure.
  • Your best fabric choices are chiffon, velvet, lace, and schiffli net
Short Heavy Figure

  • A Princess or A-line style dress will look great on you.
  • To look taller and thinner you should avoid any clingy knit fabrics.
  • Your best fabric choice is Chiffon because it creates a floating effect and will camouflage your weight.

Tall Thin Figure

  • A shirtwaist or a natural waist style dress with a full skirt will look nice on you.
  • If you want to appear shorter, look for a dress with tiers or flounces.
  • The best fabrics for you are satin and lace.
Tall Heavy Figure

  • A Princess or A-line dress is a good choice as it will slim your figure.
  • Your best fabric choices are satin and lace

Remember you are perfect just the size you are. It's a great idea to order the dress in the size you are now. If you lose a few pounds before your wedding, great! Just remember, it is easier to have a dress taken in than have an inch or two added.


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    Author: Jasmine Macdonald is a wedding website designer. You can visit her at http://merrybrides.wordpress.com or read her wedding blog at http://funweddings.blogspot.com. http://windsor.weddingwindow.com

    Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jasmine_Macdonald
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    Wedding Planning Is Up To You

    SkyAuction.com,Inc.

    By Sher

    Deciding the menu is a pretty simple affair. Once you’ve chosen your menu items, you can move on to organizing the wedding reception. By organizing I mean planning how people will sit, what your tables will look like, types of glasses. All the fine details.

    Now don’t let this stress you out – it actually can be a lot of fun! Here’s some tips to help get you on the right track. These tips assume you're not having your meal catered and are doing all your own planning.

    Decide what time you're going to have your meal. This will tie to the time of your wedding to some degree. If you're getting married in the morning; are you having lunch, brunch, or a mid afternoon meal? Afternoon wedding, are you having a regular evening meal, or later on?

    Are you going to rent your dishes? Borrow from family? Use disposable plates? Same goes for glassware and flatware. If you are having a smaller wedding you can often find good pricing on sets at discount department stores.

    If you are purchasing your dishes, what is your theme? Color? Style?

    What type of glasses are you going to use? Wine glasses for certain, what about coffee cups, water glasses? Again either borrow or visit a discount department store.

    I recommend renting your dishes, flatware, and glasses from a catering company. The prices is usually very nominal. Everything matches, plus they deliver the clean dishes, and pick up the dirty ones after your party.

    If you supply your own dishes, then somebody has to be prepared to do clean up. Renting dishes is simple, affordable, and lets your guests focus on enjoying your wedding.

    You will also need to decide what the theme for your tables will be, what type of flowers you want and whether you will purchase locally grown flowers or hire a florist. If you choose flowers in season you can make beautiful flower arrangements for a fraction of the cost.

    What about your tables and chairs? Does the hall or facility you’ve rented provide them? If yes, what is the charge. If they do not, then you’ll need to rent them yourself. If your wedding reception is small you may be able to borrow enough chairs and tables to accommodate your guests.

    Tablecloths and table coverings – you’ll need to decide color and style. Also, you’ll have to decide what type of decorations you need. Your decorating and colors will have a lot to do with your general wedding theme. Fun, romantic, tropical?

    The quickest way to get organized is to grab some paper and a pencil. Draw a rough diagram of the room layout, then begin sketching in your tables, how you will seat people, where you want your flowers and decorations. Once you have a visual the rest will fall into place.

    Ask some friends to give you a hand with decorating. Most halls will let you visit the day before to complete your decorating and set up. In fact, before you rent the hall make this a pre-requisite.

    Most important! Enjoy the planning – this is your wedding, one of the biggest events of your life. There is no right or wrong, there is only what makes you happy. When your happy, your guests will relax and enjoy themselves.


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    Additional Wedding Advice:
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    About the Author
    Sher from Estate Jewelry International has been serving customers for over 20 years, providing fashion, jewelry, and wedding help. Please visit us at     http://www.estatejewelryinternational.com/ Source: www.ArticleTrader.com

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    Officiant's Gratuity


    By WeddingSolutions.com


    The officiant's gratuity is a discretionary amount of money given to the officiant.

    Things To Consider: This amount should depend on your relationship with the officiant and the amount of time s/he has spent with you prior to the ceremony. The groom puts this fee in a sealed envelope and gives it to his best man or wedding consultant, who gives it to the officiant either before or immediately after the ceremony.


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    Bartending/Bar Set-up Fee, Corkage Fee


    Article Source: Wedding Solutions


    BARTENDING / BAR SET-UP FEE
    Some reception sites and caterers charge an extra fee for bartending and for setting up the bar.

    CORKAGE FEE
    Many reception sites and caterers make money by marking up the food and alcohol they sell. You may wish to provide your own alcohol for several reasons. First, it is more cost effective. Second, you may want to serve an exotic wine or champagne that the reception site or caterer does not offer. In either case, and if your reception site or caterer allows it, be prepared to pay a corkage fee. This is the fee for each bottle brought into the reception and opened by a member of their staff.

    Things To Consider:
    You need to consider whether the expenses saved after paying the corkage fee justify the hassle and liability of bringing in your own alcohol.

    FEE TO POUR COFFEE
    In addition to the corkage and cake-cutting fees, some facilities also charge extra to pour coffee with the wedding cake.

    Things To Consider:
    Again, when comparing the cost of various reception sites, don't forget to add up all the extra miscellaneous costs, such as the fee for pouring coffee.

    SERVICE PROVIDERS' MEALS

    Things To Consider:
    It is considered a courtesy to feed your photographer, videographer, and any other "service provider" at the reception. Check options and prices with your caterer or reception site manager. Make sure you allocate a place for your service providers to eat. You may want them to eat with your guests, or you may prefer setting a place outside the main room for them to eat. Your service providers may be more comfortable with the latter.

    GRATUITY
    It is customary to pay a gratuity fee to your caterer. The average gratuity is 15% to 18% of your food and beverage bill.


    This article can be found in it's entirety at: www.weddingsolutions.com - Your one stop Bridal Guide
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    Bridal Jewelry - Fulfilling a Wedding Tradition

    Limoges Jewelry


    By L Hayes

    If you looked at traditional weddings, whites and creams dominated the scene and you would always see the bride resplendent in white with jewelry to match. This is for traditional weddings, but of course even today, a lot of us like to uphold family tradition that gives a sense of continuity in weddings. Be it the wedding dress, the wedding trousseau, or the wedding jewelry, we like to be firmly rooted in tradition.

    What is really interesting to note today is, even in modern times many of us honor our wedding traditions by wearing a piece that is handed down by someone in the family. Often times, a grandmother would give a bride her wedding jewelry such as a necklace, a bracelet and earrings. They would shimmer with a mix of iridescent mother-of-pearl and big white pearls with little diamonds encrusted on them. Brides would wear these for her wedding and preserve them for their daughter. Brides would find it hard to describe the feeling that these family heirlooms would give her on her wedding day! Nothing could compare to the fact that the women in the brides family, the ones you grew up with and admire, are with you. So, this was about wearing family keepsakes and the perfect way of paying your respects to elders generations of the family.

    If you don’t have that option, wearing something new is obviously what you have to do. You will be amazed at the choices you have, considering the vast array of stores that you can find either near you or through the internet which brings the whole world near you. You will definitely find a sparkling something that will interest you and also fit within your budget. If possible, find something that will also compliment your bridesmaids jewelry.

    A host of light-colored gemstones, precious and semi-precious, are quickly gaining center stage alongside diamonds. Even colored diamonds in various hues of rose, champagne and azure tones are becoming wedding ceremony favorites.

    A much more practical solution for budget brides is to borrow jewelry. While this may be a strange option for brides who want to be dressed to the nines in things brand new, but this is an option you must consider if you are not one to spend thousands of dollars for certain accessories that they will never wear again. Borrow the jewelry for your nuptials by paying a small rental fee. Most jewelers will also ask for a refundable deposit for insurance purposes. You can always treat yourself to jewelry of your own tastes and preferences after the wedding, instead of being pressurized at the time you are already stressed about a million other choices.

    Finally, whatever you decide, make sure the jewelry you choose is in keeping with the wedding dress, the ambiance, the time of the wedding reception, and the year your wedding will take place. Also, consider the location. The less, the better if you are getting married outdoors in the hot summer. Show your beauty with tasteful and limited jewelry, instead of going all blitz and bling. Wedding jewelry is not just something you wear for your wedding ceremony, but something that you will cherish and treasure all your life in remembrance of your special day.


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    L Hayes is a wedding professional and owner of Wedding Favors Emporium. They carry an extensive line of unique wedding favors. They offer many popular gift ideas such as place card holders, silver and chrome favors, and bridesmaid gifts. For more information about discount wedding favors, wedding planning, or wedding reception ideas, visit their website.
    Article Source:     http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=L_Hayes
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    updated links




    Inexpensive Centerpiece Decorations


    When planning a wedding, most brides focus first on the church, lining it with flowers and ribbons. By the time costs for the wedding are taken care of many couple’s find that they are skimming close to their budget. It’s good know that the centerpiece decorations at your reception can not only be inexpensive, but tasteful and original.

    Try this idea and score a perfect ten for creativity when planning your centerpiece decorations. Start by buying cute small frames as you see them on sale. Insert photos of you and your groom growing up through the years. Guests will not only love the originality of the idea but they will also get to see what you both looked like when you were younger. Of course, if they have known you your entire life, then this will give them a chance to reminisce about you.

    If you are planning on a fall wedding use baskets and terra cotta pots to add a fall touch to your centerpiece decorations. Fill the baskets and pots with tiny pumpkins, apples, corn stalk and gourds. This will add that little extra touch to the season while filling your table with inexpensive decorations.

    For a more romantic look, use inexpensive single fish bowls. Fill these centerpiece decorations with water, which can be colored with liquid dye, and add a floating candle. You may also find inexpensive artificial flowers that can be snipped at the tops and laid around the candles. This will create the mood of romance and add candlelight to each of your tables.

    For a Christmas time wedding, use poinsettias and gold ribbons for centerpiece decorations. If you have extra money to spend, buy miniature Christmas trees and decorate them with lights and wedding charms for ornaments, which can be found at most bridal decoration stores. Place the trees in the middle of the table and let the guests try and guess what meaning each of the charms hold!

    Let your guests get involved in your first day as man and wife by using paper and pens as a centerpiece decoration. Buy decorated paper and pens, placing them at each sitting. Leave instructions for the guests to give you the best marital advice they can. You may also have the guest make up a love poem to give you. This will get them involved and also give you a keepsake to read on your honeymoon. You may also add a long-stemmed rose at each place setting that they can take home with them.

    A popular trend added to centerpiece decorations are disposable cameras with ribbons and bows tied around them. You can also type a note to hang from the camera letting guests know to take pictures throughout the night and then place the cameras inside a designated box as they leave. Just imagine the different photos you will have once the film is all developed.

    No matter what you choose as centerpiece decorations, you can create a mood and atmosphere that represents your style, at an inexpensive price. So, hang balloons from the ceiling, let the cameras start clicking and begin your life together with friends, family and a lot of good times.


    Useful Links


    Wedding Advice

    Merry Brides
    Bridal Guide
    Merry Weddings
    Fun Weddings
    Wedding Planning
    Weddings by Ashlee
    Create A Wedding Website

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    Bridal Shower - 6 Ways to Create an Unforgettable Invitation



    *Author: Anthony Lee

    Here are the ways to create an unforgettable bridal shower invitation.

    1. Use pop-ups - Hey, it's not just for kids and pre-teens. Pop-ups make a nice statement and a pleasant surprise. Use an ordinary paper-folded pop-up or a wire pop-up that springs into position when the envelope or invitation is opened. Pick an element taken from your shower theme such as a pair of hearts, a church, wedding bells, flowers or a pair of doves for the pop-up.

    2. Ticket to the shower - Why not make give your bridal shower invitation a different flavor by making it look like a concert or theater ticket? Print the title of your invite on one side and include the details (place, time and dress code) on the other side. When guests come in through the door, assign a 'ticket taker' to tear a portion of the invitation and let the guests keep the rest.

    3. Use natural materials - Go green with your bridal shower invitation and use recycled paper and bio-degradable materials. Use pressed leaves and dried flowers to decorate the invitation. To make a nice-smelling card, use dried fragrant flowers like roses, gardenias and lavender.

    4. A sparkling affair - Why not include rhinestones in your bridal shower invitation? Rhinestones shine and sparkle even when used in small quantities. If your invitation has a drawing of a rose in front, glue a rhinestone in the middle or on one of the petals. Rhinestone can also shine inside an illustration of a martini glass or between two hearts.

    5. Go handmade - Handmade bridal invitation cards are a smart and beautiful way to send out invites to a special occasion. Since they are handmade, no two invitations are exactly alike. Plus, you can also customize to include your favorite design elements.

    6. The scent of things to come - Want to make your bridal shower invitation memorable? Using your favorite cologne or perfume, lightly spray or dab the invitation before sealing it in an envelope. The scent will stay on for several days and will still smell as good even if your guest opened it a few days later.


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      How To Completely Mess Up Your Wedding

      Personal Creations

      Author: Simon Ekizian

      Are you as sick and tired as me of boring weddings where everything goes off without a hitch and everyone involved looks like something out of a made for TV movie? Whatever happened to a good old fashioned wedding day catastrophe? You know, the kind where the fire sprinklers blow, the groomsmen are wearing light blue tuxedos and the dog eats the wedding cake? Not to worry, here are some tips on completely botching every last detail on your big day.

      First things first, you'll need to decide where to hold the ceremony. There are many obvious choices here that I could go with. The justice of the peace, town hall, or even a local park (hopefully it will rain.) These aren't bad enough. What you'll need to do is plan the ceremony at a church or synagogue, depending on your religious affiliation, that is nowhere near where anyone involved lives, ever lived, or would ever consider living. It should be at least a two hour drive for everyone. The fact that it is nobodies hometown, nobodies current residence and nobodies future residence will not go unnoticed by anyone.

      Next, you'll need to choose the worst possible venue to host your wedding. Your backyard you say? That won't do unless you live in a rented high rise apartment. Your local men's club possibly? Again, that's way out of our league. We need a venue that is going to disgust both side of the family, both the groom's and brides, as well as all of the guests over the age of 6 months. The only answer is your local bowling alley. They have a lounge out back and you'll only need room for 30 or so guests (the acceptance rate on your invitations won't be too high when it says "Reception to follow at King Pin Bowling Lanes".) Top it off by making it a cash bar that prominently features a "Tips for the bride and groom" jar.

      Once you have this locked up, you'll want to make sure that the invitations are sent out hand written and without return postage. Your positive response rate wasn't going to be high anyway, but this will help clear out the riff raff. Actually, this will clear out the quality people and insure the riff raff make it!

      Next, you'll want to plan the menu. This is easy enough, salad bar and pizza. This will probably be the only thing the bowling alley can handle anyway. As you can see, if you start this correctly from the beginning, everything will fall into line. Oh, and don't forget the bowl of cashews on each table for appetizers.

      How about your first song? There are many choices here. "Used to love her" by Guns & Roses is great for all you cynics out there. Looking for something cheesy? How about "Islands in the Stream" by the great Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton? There are definitely different ways to go on this one. For my money, there is only one choice on this crucial piece of the puzzle, "Sexual Healing" by Marvin Gaye. While by itself a great song, this is sure to subtly offend everyone involved.

      We're now onto the bride's and groom's attire. Of course, you'll need to go light blue for the guy's. While some might argue that this is too obvious, there really is no other choice. For the girls dresses, we have one word - sequins.

      The final piece of the puzzle is the wedding cake. You can't be so obvious here as to go with a store bought cake like a crumb cake or a pound cake but you would certainly be on the right track. These would actually taste too good. What you'll want to do is make this yourself or have a baker make it but under no circumstances are you to add sugar. This will create a nice buzz at the end of the evening ensuring that your disastrous wedding will be talked about for years to come.

      I tried not to talk about the obvious choices for a disastrous wedding such as car breakdowns on the way to the church or bachelor party confessions during the best man speech. We all know that these types of things will certainly add to a terrible wedding day so feel free to add any or all of them.


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        About the Author: Simon Brady is the head of content for Executive Gift Shoppe which offers gifts such as personalized cufflinks, money clips, tie bars and other unique groomsmen gifts


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